The Phone Fiasco
by quicksilversquared
Summary: Returning Adrien's phone doesn't go quite as smoothly as planned when Alya and Marinette forget to clear the call log and Adrien tries to figure out who was calling him during his fencing practice. (Aka The Time Tikki Pretended to be a Telemarketer) Slight deviation from the end of Copycat.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Quick reminder that, as with the majority of my stories, this is a stand-alone one-shot and is therefore complete._

 _Also:_ _Based on the Ladybug charm on the phone Marinette used to call Adrien, I have assumed that she used Alya's phone to call Adrien the first time and then her own phone when she was trying to find his locker using his ringing phone._

* * *

Marinette watched as Adrien scrolled through his newly-returned phone as they waited for their second class of the day to start. He answered a few missed texts and poked through his email while Nino peered over his shoulder.

"Seriously, you only missed five texts? That's weird, dude."

Adrien shrugged. "I'm not that surprised. You and Chloe are the only people that text me on a regular basis other than the household staff, and all of them had knew my phone was missing almost as soon as I mentioned it to the Gorilla."

"Bro, you need to text more people," Nino informed Adrien. Alya made a noise of agreement.

Adrien snorted. "Oh I know." He poked at another button, and Marinette watched in sudden horror as the call log came up on the screen, with her number at the top. Adrien suddenly frowned, his finger pausing above the screen as he looked at the log. Marinette froze.

 _The phone log_ , Marinette mouthed at Alya, poking her friend in the shin to get her attention. _We forgot about the phone log_.

Alya's eyes got huge _._

"That's weird," Adrien commented, scrolling up and down through his log before pausing at the top again. "Someone called me yesterday."

Nino snorted. "You lead a boring life if someone calling you is _weird_."

"Yeah, but any missed calls should have shown up on my notifications bar and they didn't."

"Technology glitch," Nino suggested. "It happens, dude. Not that weird."

Adrien shrugged. Marinette winced, mentally begging for Adrien to drop the subject. She couldn't believe that after all that trouble of deleting the message and trying to cover her steps, they had forgotten something as obvious as the _call log_.

Never mind checking his phone for fingerprints. Adrien would figure out that it was her just because her stupid phone number was on his phone.

"Yeah, but they called seven times but didn't leave any messages. Do you recognize the number, Nino?" Adrien asked, holding his phone out. "I don't recognize that number or the one before it."

Alya froze as well. _My phone_ , she mouthed at Marinette. Marinette winced. She had forgotten that they had used Alya's phone to call the first time.

Nino leaned over, frowning. "Not a clue, dude. Why would someone call you that many times? Why didn't you pick up?"

"I was at fencing practice. I didn't hear it, or the one before it. I wonder who was calling?"

Alya and Marinette exchanged another panicked look. _Why was this boy so damn inquisitive?_

"You could just call them back," Nino suggested, turning back to his reading. "It's probably just a prank call, though."

Both Alya and Marinette froze as Adrien tapped on his phone, bringing Marinette's number up on his screen. His thumb hovered over the _call_ button.

"Silence your phone, girl!" Alya hissed, sliding across the bench and slamming into Marinette's side to talk right in her ear. "Silence it, then turn it off! Now!"

Marinette startled, then dove for the phone in her bag. Tikki was already there, making sure the phone was on silent. Marinette reached in anyway, preparing to turn the phone off while Adrien was distracted.

"It was probably a telemarketer," Alya spoke up, leaning over the bench and right into Adrien and Nino's faces. It sounded like she might be talking through clenched teeth and the smile on her face looked a little strained around the edges as she talked. "It's not worth your time calling back. Just delete it off your log."

Nino gave Alya a doubtful look. "Girl, telemarketers only call once and give up. Besides, how would they get Adrien's number?"

Alya's smile was starting to look more than a little forced and slightly murderous. Nino scooted back ever-so-slightly. "I think telemarketers have ways of getting unlisted numbers- I mean, I doubt they use a phone book. And maybe they were being paid by the number of calls they made. Maybe it was their first day on the job. I don't know."

Adrien's thumb moved away from the call button. Marinette's eyes stayed fixed on him.

"It's weird that you got calls from two unknown numbers so close together, though," Nino spoke up, tugging Adrien's phone over to him. Marinette took the chance to turn off her phone. The faint buzzing as it turned off went unnoticed. She sat straight back up in her seat and tried to look innocent as the conversation continued. "Seriously, none of them left a message?"

"The first one did." Adrien thumbed back through the phone. Alya and Marinette choked in unison before spinning to face each other with alarmed expressions. He had _seen_ that he had gotten a voicemail? How? He had been in the middle of fencing! "I can't find it anymore! That's _really_ weird."

Nino frowned. "You didn't listen to it? Are you certain it was there? Dude, that's so weird. Your phone was really glitching."

"No, I didn't get a chance to listen to it. I noticed it during a water break in the middle of my fencing class. My instructor called me back from the break before I could listen. Maybe I should call them back, since they left a message."

Unnoticed by the boys, Alya jumped in her seat before hurriedly putting her phone on silent.

"Class is starting, everyone. Put your phones away and take out your textbooks, please." Miss Bustier walked into the classroom with her normal welcoming smile, though her eyes flashed to where Adrien and Nino were still hovering over Adrien's phone. Adrien flashed an award-winning smile at the teacher before putting his phone away. Both girls let out a sigh of relief.

Adrien didn't mention the calls at all for the rest of the day, and it almost seemed that the whole losing-the-phone incident and the corresponding numerous weird calls had been forgotten. Marinette had left her phone off all day, just in case. She didn't fully trust the mute setting on her phone, and it would be a _disaster_ if Adrien called the "telemarketer" number and _her_ phone went off instead. She'd have to move to the furthest reaches of Antarctica if he ever found out that _she_ had called him, left the most embarrassing message ever, _then_ called him a zillion times so that she could steal his phone during his fencing class before it ended... which she knew about because of his schedule hanging on her ceiling.

"I can't believe Adrien actually knew there was a message," Marinette groaned to Tikki as soon as she got home from school. "What a disaster that would have been if he had listened to it before I could get to it! What if his fencing instructor hadn't called him back? I wouldn't have been able to look him in the face ever again."

Tikki giggled. "Well, you _are_ Lady Luck. Hopefully he'll have forgotten about the calls. I mean, he has a lot of stuff to worry about besides a couple unknown missed calls."

Marinette smiled. "You're right, Tikki. After all, he didn't say anything about it this afternoon. Hopefully he's already forgotten. I really dodged a bullet there." She reached for her phone, turning it back on before pulling out her homework. "Now I have to see if I can figure out what Madam Mendeleiev was talking about earlier during Physics! Do you know, Tikki?"

The little kwami giggled. "I wasn't listening, but I'm sure you'll be able to figure it out, Marinette!"

* * *

Adrien let out a sigh as he slumped into his computer chair. There was no new news on the Ladyblog; he'd already checked. He'd gotten most of his homework done over lunch, a habit he had picked up when it became clear that an ill-timed akuma attack could result in him having to stay up late to finish if he didn't take advantage of other opportunities. Now he only had one short reading left, and then nothing else to do. Already bored, Adrien pulled out his phone to play a game on it. He unlocked his lock screen, and the first thing he saw was his call log, with the unknown numbers right at the top.

Adrien tapped on the second number, the one that had called so many times. He stared at the number again, trying to wrack his mind for any conversations he may have had with anyone about them changing phones. Chloe would be the most likely culprit for calling so many times, but she also would have left a message each and every time and then she would have demanded why he didn't pick up as soon as she saw him at school.

Not Chloe, then. Another classmate, maybe? But then why didn't they leave a message?

"Stop stressing about it, kid," Plagg said, voice muffled as he dug through Adrien's bag in search of cheese. "Probably just a telemarketer, like that one girl said."

"Well, there's only one way to find out."

He hit call.

* * *

Marinette had just finished her Physics homework (with the help of a little web-surfing from Tikki to get a tutorial on the concept she was supposed to know) and was just reaching for her Literature homework when her phone rang. She reached out for it automatically until Tikki let out a shrill squeal.

"Don't touch it!"

Marinette froze and her eyes flashed to the caller ID. She let out a yelp and yanked back her hand as though it had been burned. "Adrien's calling? Oh no! What do I do? I can't answer that!"

"Uh..." Tikki stared at the phone, then shot up in the air. "I know! You can do regular calls, right? Without the video?"

"Of course, but how does that help me? Adrien will still recognize my voice, and even if he doesn't I'll probably say something stupid again and _then_ he'll recognize it's me and he'll think I'm some sort of creepy stalker and-"

Tikki hit _answer._ Marinette stopped talking with a strangled squeak and scooted back as far as she could.

"Hello, this is Wayzz corporation!" Tikki chirped in an almost sickeningly upbeat voice. "How can I help you?"

* * *

Adrien blinked as someone finally answered on the other end of the line. He didn't recognize the voice at all. "Uh, hi? This number called me several times yesterday and I was wondering who it was."

"Oh, did we really?" The girl's tone didn't change at all. "I apologize so much for the inconvenience! We have some new interns here. It must have been one of them calling. I don't think they quite understand that they're supposed to wait in between calls to the same number. Thank you for letting us know about the problem!"

"R-right," Adrien stammered, caught a little off guard.

"Would you like me to put you on the do-not-call list, or would you like to hear about this fabulous opportunity that the Wayzz corporation is offering-"

"I- I'd rather be put on the do-not-call list, thanks," Adrien said, interrupting as politely as possible before she could gain too much momentum on her spiel. "I'm not interested in buying anything."

"Okay! I apologize again for the calls. Have a nice day, sir!"

The call ended, and Adrien stared at his phone in confusion. That was... weird. From what he had heard about telemarketers, he expected them to be a _lot_ more pushy. Maybe he had just gotten lucky with a nice one that was actually sorry about the calls.

Or maybe they could tell that he was too young for there to be a point to contacting him and reading off their spiel and it would be a waste of time.

"Do you think I should block the number?" Adrien asked out loud, glancing over to where Plagg was hanging over the edge of his bag, mouth wide and cheese dangling from the tip of one arm. "I mean, they _did_ say they would put me on the do-not-call list, but would they really follow through with that?"

Plagg didn't answer. His gaze was still locked on the phone and he looked oddly confused. Shrugging, Adrien deleted the number off his call log before heading for the bathroom to take a shower.

In his bedroom, Plagg continued staring blankly on the phone. That was Tikki's voice, he was sure of it, and had she really mentioned Wayzz? If it _had_ been his partner hand other half, that raised the question of _why on earth would Tikki answer a phone and pretend to be a telemarketer?_ It made no sense.

"I don't understand anything in life anymore," Plagg told his camembert. "Even cheese. I don't understand why it's so tasty. Everything is confusing." He flopped on his back on Adrien's desk, tossing the cheese up in the air and swallowing it in one giant bite before letting out a giant sigh.

 _"Everything_."


	2. Chapter 2

**So this was meant to be a one-shot, but I recently got hit by a burst of inspiration and decided to write a part 2. This story is most definitely complete now.**

* * *

Plagg was bored.

This was hardly an uncommon occurrence in his life. He couldn't eat cheese all the time (though he tried his best) and Adrien had loads of boring activities to attend, so _really_ , Plagg was actually very well-behaved, all things considered.

But he was still bored, and Adrien was busy washing up in the bathroom after a particularly grueling photoshoot. Last Plagg had checked, his Chosen was still waging a losing battle over the makeup he had had to don for the photoshoot. Adrien apparently had yet to figure out that it was waterproof and really, he needed to be using the makeup remover that someone (presumably Nathalie) had set on his bathroom counter for exactly that purpose.

So naturally, Plagg had to amuse himself until Adrien had finished getting both makeup and hairspray off. He briefly considered using the computer before discarding that idea. It was too _tame,_ really. Plagg was looking for entertainment of another sort.

He wanted to pull a _prank._

Cackling, Plagg floated towards Adrien's desk. Ooh, the things he could get away with, with everything in the Agreste mansion at his disposal. He could...

He could...

He couldn't think of anything to do.

 _Damnit._

It really was too bad that Adrien and Tikki's Chosen hadn't revealed themselves to each other yet, Plagg mused as he grouched along Adrien's desk, shoving things off of the surface grouchily. He knew the whole secret identity thing was important, especially at first when they weren't 100% certain that things were going to work out properly, but _darn it_ he missed his other half. Tikki came up with the _best_ prank ideas.

...wait.

 _Tikki_.

The last time Plagg had heard from his other half, it had been in the most unexpected way. Adrien had called back a number that had called him half a zillion times. The person who had picked up had claimed to be a telemarketer had actually been Tikki, Plagg had been _positive_...and she claimed to be from the Wayzz Corporation.

The Wayzz Corporation, as in the corporation that, when Plagg looked it up in a middle-of-the-night flurry of doubt, _didn't actually exist_. The Wayzz Corporation, as in _Wayzz_ , the turtle kwami.

Yeah, it definitely had been Tikki. Which meant that Plagg _knew Tikki's Chosen's phone number_. Which meant that Plagg could call up Tikki and bother her for ideas.

He would just have to not use Adrien's phone, since Tikki's Chosen might recognize the number. Of course, in a house like the Agrestes', finding another phone was easy. There was a house phone sitting right on Adrien's desk, and it was even light enough for Plagg to pick up and, if Adrien ever managed to exit the bathroom again, he could hang up quickly before he got noticed.

Mission firmly in mind, Plagg zipped off the desk and down to the floor, where Adrien's phone had landed after Plagg shoved it off of the desk (whoops). Plagg unlocked it quickly and navigated to the call log. Adrien hadn't ended up erasing the mysterious number (why, Plagg had no idea), but since it had been a good month since the call, it still took Plagg a minute to find the number he wanted. Wiggling a little in excitement (it had been so long since he and Tikki planned a good prank together!), Plagg copied the number onto an old cheese box he had made into a bed, closed out of the phone log, and lugged the cheese box over to the landline phone.

Oooh, Tikki was going to be _so_ surprised.

After making sure Adrien was still busy (his Chosen, it seemed, had momentarily given up on the makeup and had decided to shower first), Plagg cackled and dialed the number. He punched the call button and waited eagerly.

 _Riiiiiiiing. Riiiiiiiing. Riiiiiiiiing._

"Hello?"

Plagg froze. That was a girl's voice, and it was decidedly not Tikki.

 _Whoops._

"Hello? Who is this?" the voice asked, sounding confused. The voice sounded familiar, and not just in the _oh-yeah-that's-Ladybug_ way. "Is someone there?"

Well, he could always take a page out of Tikki's book.

"Hello, this is the Nooroo foundation!" Plagg blurted out a little frantically. He winced a little, cleared his throat (gotta sound professional! _That_ was something he never thought he would have to say _._ ) "Uh, how are you today?"

"Uh, I'm not interested in whatever you're selling," the girl on the other end said a little uncertainly. "But, uh, good luck and have a good day?"

"Ah, yes, and you as well," Plagg managed before a click sounded over the phone. He set the phone back down a little unsteadily and slumped next to the receiver.

Humans had never told him how _stressful_ it was to make a phone call. It was _terrible_ , _horrible_ , and worst of all?

 _He had had to be polite._ Ugh.

Really, Plagg should have guessed that Tikki's human would pick up the phone. It shouldn't have come as a surprise, but he had been so excited about his idea that he hadn't stopped to think (not that thinking was his strong suit). Maybe he should have said the Tikki foundation instead, and then the girl would recognize the name- but then Tikki would have his head next time he saw her, and that would be bad-

"Uh, Plagg?" Adrien was standing by his bathroom door, freshly showered and magically de-makeup-ed. He must have found the makeup remover after all. He looked decidedly puzzled. "What are you doing with my phone?"

* * *

Knowing that he had Tikki's Chosen's phone number was strangely frustrating. He couldn't tease Adrien with it, since the number _was_ still on his cell phone and Plagg _really_ didn't want to be responsible for a premature reveal (Tikki would end him), and worse, Tikki was _right there_ but _just_ out of reach. She had probably been able to hear his call and _surely_ she knew it was him. After all, the Nooroo Foundation- or was it the Nooroo Corporation?- didn't actually exist. She would recognize the name.

Surely if he called again he would have a better chance of getting a hold of Tikki than he had had the first time.

The thought plagued Plagg for the next few days, especially during the downtimes when Adrien was busy and Plagg was not (which, unsurprisingly, was quite often). If he called again...maybe Tikki would pick up.

Hopefully.

"You already called me, just a few days ago," civilian-Ladybug said when she picked up the phone on the second ring, sounding less confused and more annoyed. "And I distinctly remember telling you I wasn't interested."

Plagg managed a nervous laugh, all the while cursing his luck. Of _course_ Tikki's Chosen would answer her phone instead of Tikki if she were available. The only chance he stood was if Tikki managed to pick up while her Chosen was in another room or didn't hear her phone going off. Pity he didn't know the girl's schedule. "Oh, did we? My apologies, the data banks here at the, ah, Nooroo Corporation recently went down."

Her voice turned suspicious. "I thought it was the Nooroo Foundation."

"I- ah-" Plagg was taken off guard. Plagg did not _like_ being taken off guard. It was not a feeling he often had. He had thought that he had remembered the name correctly. _Whoops_. "No, it's the Nooroo Corporation, you must have just misheard the first time. My apologies for calling you again BYE."

With that, Plagg slammed down the phone's receiver and slumped onto the desk. He briefly considered seeing if he could block Ladybug's number from calling back (because _oh boy_ would he get in trouble if she called to complain; _please Tikki don't let her do that_ ) before deciding that it was too much work. He could just play dumb if anything happened.

Which it wouldn't (probably), because Ladybug probably had better things to do than call back a nonexistent corporation (foundation?).

Probably.

* * *

Two weeks after his second failed phone call, Plagg was starting to get antsy again. He had tried calling from the Agreste home phone one last time and found the number blocked (whoops), so that obviously wasn't going to work anymore.

Still, the fact that Tikki was just _barely_ out of reach was starting to really nag at him. He didn't even care about the prank ideas anymore (well, he did, but they were a very minor consideration in the grand scheme of things). Although he was loath to admit it, Plagg _missed_ Tikki. The idea that he could call her, maybe exchange names of their Chosens or even figure out when they could hang out if their Chosens were ever close together during the day, was _taunting_ him. He had to try at _least_ one more time, but clearly he had to change his approach at least a little.

He couldn't use the Agrestes' home phone, that much was for sure, and he couldn't use Adrien's phone because for whatever reason Ladybug seemed to have his number. Tikki would be more likely to pick up instead of her Chosen if her Chosen was unable to answer the phone, like she would be, say, during the school day.

Of course, that meant that Plagg had to get his hands on a phone that wasn't Adrien's during the school day.

He would have to, uh, _borrow,_ a phone, Plagg mused as he sat in Adrien's bag as his Chosen took a Physics test. And while cell phones weren't _that_ heavy, relatively speaking, they were hard to carry. He would have to get the phone from someone sitting close to Adrien.

Definitely not that screechy blonde horror, Plagg decided, remembering the fuss she had made when he sort of helped misplace her bracelet. She would probably notice it missing the second class ended, and besides, crossing the aisle would be too dangerous. He might be seen.

Maybe the reporter girl? No, if there was an akuma attack _she_ would notice her phone missing. Besides, if he somehow got caught in her bag...

Plagg shuddered to imagine it.

Plagg's eyes slid over to the reporter girl's stammery friend. He could maybe steal her phone- it would be easy, considering she sat _directly behind_ Adrien, and she seemed the type not to freak out too much if he somehow was seen. She might not notice her phone missing for a class or two. But for whatever reason, the thought of sneaking into her bag and stealing something from her sent cold shivers running up and down Plagg's spine.

 _Maybe not_.

That left Nino's phone. It also would be pretty easy to get, and since Adrien and Nino always sat together, it would be easy to get the phone back in his bag after Plagg was done trying to call Ladybug. There was always a chance of it backfiring and Ladybug calling Nino back if the call was missed, but Plagg _really_ didn't care.

He was the god of destruction and _chaos_ , after all. It would be funny.

And thus started Operation: Get A Hold Of Nino's Phone, For The Love Of All Things Cheesy, aka Operation GAHONPFTLOATC for short.

(Plagg needed to work on naming his operations.)

With fifteen minutes left of class, Plagg phased through Adrien's bag and snuck along under the table. He had to freeze a couple times, since Madam Mendeleiev was wandering around the classroom and would no doubt raise a fuss if she saw him. It only took a quick shuffle to phase into Nino's bag and drag his phone out of his bag and to the floor, all without making a sound.

Going back was surprisingly easier, since the teacher had had to go to the back of the classroom to answer a student's question. While she was still distracted, Plagg heaved the phone up over the top of Adrien's bag and dove in after it. Out of the corner of his eye he caught Adrien giving the bag- well, him, really, but details- a look. He'd probably get another _talk_ later about not calling attention to himself during class, but it didn't matter. His mission was complete and he had Nino's phone, all before the bell rang to signal the end of class.

 _Success_.

Plagg's jubilation didn't last long. The boys hadn't even reached their next class when they started debating about the answer to one of the questions on the homework and Nino decided to find the answer on his phone.

"I'll look it up," Nino said after it was clear neither of them was going to back down. "One second, I just need to find my phone." He reached for his bag, digging for his phone between his notebooks.

Plagg gulped and hurriedly buried Nino's phone under all of the cheese wrappers Adrien had forgotten to clean out of the bag.

A minute passed, and the sound of Nino's furious digging had yet to cease. "I can't find it! My phone is missing!"

Adrien's bag swayed as he came to a stop. Presumably Nino had as well. "Did you have it this morning?"

"Yeah! Yeah, I was listening to some beats on it on the way to school."

"Are you missing something?" the stammery girl asked. Adrien sifted again, presumably to let her and her reporter friend join the group. "We can help look for it- uh, maybe after class is over, though."

"My phone is missing," Plagg heard Nino explain. "I had it this morning."

"It's probably in your locker," the reporter girl said as the group started walking again. "You took out your headphones there, remember?"

Plagg let out a sigh of relief as there were sounds of agreement all around. He was safe for now.

* * *

Tikki was having a relatively normal day. Marinette had gotten up with her alarm and gotten to class with plenty of time, there hadn't been any Adrien-related meltdowns, and best of all, there hadn't been any akuma.

Well, _yet_.

And then Nino's phone went missing.

Tikki listened absently as the four friends talked amongst themselves, trying to figure out where it could be. She was willing to bet that Alya was right and Nino left it in his locker, or maybe his bag was too messy to find it.

(She had been in Nino's bag once, when Tikki accidentally broke Marinette's pen and needed to replace it before her Chosen could ask what on Earth she had been trying to accomplish. It was an unholy mess, and Tikki was honestly surprised that Nino could find _anything_ in that bag.)

Nino's phone was still missing when they got to their classroom, so of course Tikki was _very_ surprised when Marinette got a call from Nino ten minutes into class.

The class had been broke up into groups to work on a project, making the classroom noisier than normal. Tikki let the phone continue to ring (on silent, so Marinette didn't hear) as she peered out of the bag. Just like she had thought, Nino was busy with his group and most definitely not on his phone. Which meant that someone else had Nino's phone.

And if they were calling Marinette, it was doubtless because they saw her name in Nino's contacts and wanted to get the phone back to him.

Well, if they didn't know Nino, they probably didn't know Marinette that well, either, Tikki decided as she reached for the phone. They wouldn't know the difference if she answered the phone instead of Marinette, and what harm could it do? The classroom was too loud for anyone to hear any noise from the phone, and any intervention from her would just get the phone back to Nino sooner.

"Hello?"

* * *

When Adrien's next class broke out into groups, Plagg was thrilled. The noise from the talking would cover any and all noise from his phone call- well, unless Ladybug or Tikki yelled at him, of course. He was hoping that that wouldn't happen. He'd have a hard time explaining that.

Once Adrien was settled in with his group (with Ivan and Alix), Plagg squirmed his way to the bottom of Adrien's bag, where he was least likely to get caught, and pulled out the scrap of paper he had copied Ladybug's number onto. Quivering with excitement ( _Please let this work, please let this work..._ ), Plagg punched the number in, ignoring the suggested contacts as he punched the call button.

The phone rang once. Twice. Three times. And then it picked up.

"Hello?"

"Tikki!" Plagg exclaimed, refraining the urge the squeal in triumph. At _last_ , his plan had worked. "Hah! I _knew_ I recognized your voice from that telemarketer call! How are you?"

" _Plagg?!_ " Tikki sounded nothing short of incredulous. "What- why- what are you calling me for, Plagg? And why do you have Nino's phone? Did you steal it?"

...ah. Plagg had forgotten how much of a kill-joy Tikki could be when it came to possibly vaguely illegal activities. Momentarily borrowing his Chosen's friend's phone would probably qualify as such.

"Well, _your_ Chosen wouldn't quit picking up the calls meant for you," Plagg retorted. "And then she blocked _my_ Chosen's home number, so I had to get creative."

"By stealing a phone." Tikki didn't sound particularly impressed. She muttered something about "always with the _phones_ , really", which didn't make any sense at all considering that Plagg hadn't ever taken a phone before now.

"I'll give it back!" Plagg whined in protest. "Really, I thought you would be glad that I actually put in effort for something besides cheese. Cheese is grateful when I put in the extra effort to get it."

There was a huge sigh from the other end of the line. "Cheese can't be _grateful_ , Plagg."

"Of course it can. It tastes better than normal."

The second exasperated sigh on the other end of the line made Plagg snicker, but he still wasn't going to back down. Cheese _did_ taste better when he had to work for it, but then again if he had to work for all of his cheese instead of getting it handed to him, he would be very hungry and very sad. He preferred to have quantity over quality, though, since while his hard-earned cheese tasted better, it wasn't so much better that he was willing to give up other cheese for it. That would just be insanity.

"So _why_ were you trying to call me, then?" Tikki asked after a pause. " _Other_ than just to have an excuse to steal people's phones?"

"One person's phone," Plagg corrected automatically. "And was I wrong for wanting to talk to you? Our Miraculous have been dormant for _ages_ and our Chosen haven't revealed themselves yet, so when I heard you pretending to be a telemarketer..."

"Which I wouldn't have had to do if you- wait. You heard my telemarketer impression?" Tikki sounded surprised. "But that would mean your Chosen is-"

"Yeah, yeah, he's a blond pretty boy. He makes a good Chat Noir though, eh?" Plagg was quite proud of him, actually. He just didn't show it, or else it would go to the kid's head, or maybe he'd get mushy.

The kid was already mushy enough when it came to Ladybug. Plagg really didn't want to have to deal with a heart-to-heart conversation about her on top of all the mooning Adrien already did with zero prompting whatsoever.

"Anyway, this phone-stealing thing is annoyingly difficult," Plagg added when it seemed like Tikki wasn't going to respond. "So I was thinking, if your Chosen could maybe unblock _my_ Chosen's home phone and put it in her contacts as 'For Tikki', I could call you up when I get bored and need prank ideas."

Plagg could practically _feel_ the steam coming out of Tikki's (nonexistent) ears as she responded. "I'm _not_ doing that. My Chosen would ask too many questions about how you got her number. Besides, I'm not supposed to answer the phone. We can wait until they're ready to do a reveal."

Plagg only _just_ refrained from pouting. "Oh come _on_."

"No more stealing phones, either," Tikki scolded, clearly ready to hang up. She let out a long-suffering sigh, and Plagg pictured her rolling her eyes. "You and my Chosen would get along like a house on fire. Both of you with the stealing phones thing..."

Plagg sniggered. Tikki's Chosen had a tendency to steal phones? He was already looking forward to the reveal going down. Even if he had no clue who Ladybug was, he liked her already. Maybe they could double-team Adrien into being less well-behaved. A little rebellion would be good for him.

Also...Plagg was starting to put together the pieces as to why Tikki's Chosen might have had to call Adrien's phone a million times in the first place. Adrien's phone had gone mysteriously missing the day before, and when it was (mysteriously) returned, it ( _very_ mysteriously) was missing the voicemail that had been left during Adrien's fencing practice. Ladybug had called seven or eight times in quick succession, which wouldn't make sense if she were trying to reach Adrien, but if she was using the ringing from Adrien's phone to track down where the phone was...

Sneaky. Plagg approved. Maybe the two of them could come up with prank ideas together if Tikki refused to help.

"I'm going to hang up now and get rid of all evidence of this call," Tikki announced when Plagg didn't say anything more. "I'm sure they'll be ready for a reveal within a year or so. That's practically a blink of an eye for us!"

"U _uuugh_ ," Plagg complained, antennae drooping in disappointment. "That's too long. I'm bored _now_."

Tikki giggled. "You _do_ realize that when the reveal goes down, our Chosens might start dating, right?"

Plagg let out a squawk that was loud enough to have Adrien kick his bag. Plagg ignored the hit (so rude!), though he did lower his voice. "That would be a reveal too soon! Please, Tikki, the sap would just get even _more_ intolerably mushy if that happened! Maybe we could wait, say, ten years? Fifteen?"

"We're not putting off a reveal just so you don't have to put up with another dating couple, Plagg," Tikki said, sounding fully exasperated. "You'll survive. Goodbye."

"You don't understand!" Plagg said frantically, trying to imagine the sickening levels of mushy _goo_ Adrien would no doubt achieve if he and Ladybug started dating. It would be all _Ladybug this_ and _Ladybug that_ and _ooh she has the most gorgeous eyes_ and _ugh_ , even the mere thought was enough to make Plagg lose his appetite.

Well, mostly. Very little was enough to make him _completely_ lose his appetite.

"He's a _romantic_ , Tikki, it'll be worse than all of the others!" Plagg moaned into the phone. He had had Chosens date before and some were worse than others about the _gushing_. Plagg had reason to believe that Adrien would be the worst of the lot. There would probably be sappy love-letter-writing on both sides, and awful _poems_ , and stuffed teddy bears holding satin hearts, and boxes of fancy chocolates, and giant bouquets of flowers that would make Plagg sneeze, and probably skywriting too, knowing Adrien's ridiculous extravagance, unless someone put their foot down. "They can wait to find out, they fight well enough now without knowing- Tikki?"

A dial tone was his only answer.

Plagg was still grumbling by the end of the class, when Adrien peered into his bag to check on the kwami. Since Adrien and Nino hadn't been sitting near each other during the class, Plagg was still sitting on Nino's phone and of course, Adrien noticed within a second. Plagg's eyes widened, but it was too late to hide his stolen loot in the mess at the bottom of Adrien's bag. Adrien scowled at him, then pretended to dig in his bag as the rest of the class filtered out.

"What were you doing with Nino's phone?" Adrien demanded as soon as they were alone in the classroom, snatching the phone from Plagg and swiping it open to make sure Plagg hadn't messed anything up. Plagg watched in amusement as his Chosen pawed through his friend's phone frantically in search of any unpleasant surprises Plagg might have tried to leave. He wasn't going to find anything, because Plagg hadn't _planned_ on being caught red-handed- or, rather, red-pawed. Unconcerned, Plagg focused on cleaning his long, whisker-like antennae.

And then Adrien found something.

"You made a call?" his Chosen demanded, double-checking the time of the call. With a start, Plagg realized that he had made the exact same mistake Tikki's Chosen had when she "borrowed" Adrien's phone- forgetting to clear the phone log. "Why did you call Marinette?"

Plagg froze with his mouth open, ready to protest that no, he _hadn't_ called Marinette (because he had called Tikki's Chosen's phone, _duh_ ), when something clicked in his brain. He closed his mouth and tipped his head to the side, suddenly contemplative.

 _Huh...black hair, pigtails, blue eyes, shorter than Adrien, good leader..._

Perhaps he _had_ called Marinette's phone. That would certainly explain why he hadn't dared to steal her phone from her bag, since Tikki would doubtless be there. And it would further explain the missing phone fiasco that had started this whole thing, because Marinette had had a hard time talking at all in front of Adrien (thanks to the _completely obvious crush_ that his Chosen somehow _still hadn't noticed_ ), so it didn't take a genius to deduce that she probably had left an embarrassing voicemail that she absolutely _had_ to erase- thus the phone stealing.

As Adrien continued to berate him, Plagg just started cackling. He had seen all sorts of ridiculous shenanigans between his and Tikki's Chosens before, but this- this _love square_ \- was absolutely _insane_.

Yeah, they could wait on the reveal for a while. This was gonna be _hilarious_ to watch.

* * *

 _Bonus_

"We've been fighting this akuma for half an hour and Chat Noir _still_ hasn't shown up, Tikki!" Marinette complained, pushing her sweat-dampened bangs out of her face as she watched her kwami recharge. She could barely make out Tikki's shape in the dim light from the moon. "I bet he's asleep since it's so late, but I _really_ could use his help right now."

Tikki shifted uncomfortably as she ate the cookie. _Technically_ she knew how to get a hold of Chat Noir, thanks to Plagg's little escapade with the phones, but did how much did she really want to tell Marinette? She didn't want to explain too much about how she knew who Plagg's Chosen was, and Marinette would _definitely_ notice if Tikki dialed up Adrien's number, since she had had it memorized for months. Plagg hadn't used Adrien's phone, though (a fact for which Tikki was everlastingly grateful; after all, if he had used _Adrien's_ phone, they could have easily ended up with a very muddled, very confused reveal that could have thrown off Ladybug and Chat Noir's partnership for a while. It was better to wait until Marinette and Adrien were better friends before springing that on them), and he'd used that same number _twice_ and had tried at least one more time, which meant that he hadn't been using a borrowed phone.

Which meant that, in theory, if they called that number back, Adrien- er, Chat Noir- could be reached.

"I wish we could use the communicators in real life," Marinette was grumbling as Tikki mentally debated the pros and cons of telling Marinette that they might have a way of contacting her partner. _Pros:_ Getting this fight done so that Marinette could actually get some sleep before her alarm went off and having a much safer fight so that Ladybug's earrings weren't taken.

 _Cons?_ If it was a cell phone that Plagg had been using, Chat Noir could trace the number back to Marinette. Marinette could accidentally figure out who Chat Noir was, if she recognized the number. There might be too many questions asked on both sides, and Tikki wasn't completely certain that she could trust Plagg to deflect them well enough...though of course, she _could_ always visit Plagg in Adrien's bag during the school day to make sure that Plagg would do his part on Adrien's side to keep him from discovering anything.

In the end, the two kwami could probably run enough interference to keep the cons from happening. She and Marinette definitely could use the help with this akuma, and really, they could probably take the guy down in less than five minutes with Chat Noir's help.

"I know how we can call Chat Noir," Tikki announced as Marinette pondered the pros and cons of setting off a city-wide alarm to rouse her partner out loud. The pros mostly involved _wake up the cat_ and the cons involved a very long, very overdramatic list of the possible upset, over-the-top reactions the citizens of Paris might have to having their beloved superheroine waking them all up rudely in the middle of the night, even if it _was_ for a good cause. "Let me have your phone. I'll call his home number."

Marinette froze in the middle of con number 18, _they would trash the statue of her in the park_. "You- _what?!_ "

"At least, I think it should work," Tikki corrected herself, brushing the cookie crumbs off of her front and holding out her arm for Marinette's phone. "I'll dial so you don't see the number."

"How do you know Chat Noir's phone number?" Marinette demanded as she handed over her phone. Tikki took it with a hum of thanks and started scrolling through Marinette's blocked numbers in search of the one she had labelled 'Weird Corporation Thingy'

"I'm a _god_. We know everything." Tikki unblocked the number and tapped the call button before holding the phone up to Marinette's ear. If this was the Agreste's home phone, it was possible that someone else might answer (which could be very bad). "Just, uh, make sure it's Chat Noir's voice first before you say anything, okay? I think it's a family phone number."

Marinette let out a quiet _eep_. "But what if he has brothers that sound like him?"

"He doesn't," Tikki reassured her. Adrien was an only child, after all, and she was pretty positive that anyone with ears would be able to tell the difference between Adrien's voice and his father's. "Be ready, someone's picking up!"

" _Hello?_ "

* * *

Adrien was rudely awakened by the sound of a phone ringing in the middle of the night. He sat upright with a groan, first reaching for his cell when he realized that it was the phone on his desk that was ringing instead. He furrowed his brow in confusion, completely perplexed as to why on Earth anyone would be calling at this time of the night. He was the only one with a phone in his room; the other one was on Nathalie's desk, and of course Nathalie had long since left for the day. If someone wanted to get in contact with his father, they had to call his cell phone. Gabriel had long since quit having a home phone extension in his room, since it would wake Adrien as well whenever he received a late-night call.

So if he wanted the ringing to stop, Adrien would have to answer it himself.

Adrien sleepily slid out of bed and plodded across his carpet towards the phone. It was still ringing persistently when Adrien picked it up, hitting the 'answer' button before holding it up to his ear. "Hello?"

"Chat Noir?"

Adrien's heart stopped as his entire body froze and he stared blankly at the wall. _Someone had found him out_. Oh god, oh god, oh god, Ladybug was going to be _so_ ticked at him-

"There's an akuma near Collège Françoise-Dupont and I need your help. Can you transform and get over here in the next five minutes?"

 _Ladybug?!_ It couldn't be, yet Adrien would recognize his partner's voice _anywhere_.

"I, uh, I- I mean-" Adrien's brain had ground firmly to a halt. He hadn't had enough sleep to deal with this. "I- yes?"

"Good. See you soon."

 _Click._

There was a long silence as Adrien tried to figure out what on Earth had just happened. The receiver in his hand stayed black and cold, offering no clues. Adrien's brain finally kicked back into gear and his mind raced, trying to make sense of what had just happened.

His mind came up completely blank.

"How does she know my number?" Adrien demanded of the air after a long moment as he stood at his desk, phone still in hand. "How did she get my number- does that mean she knows who I am? But then why wouldn't she call me by name, and seriously, _how did she get my number_? _"_

Plagg, who had been awakened by the ringing and was none too happy about the continuing noise, peeked one annoyed green eye out from where he was sleeping in a discarded cheese box. "What are you yowling about?"

" _Ladybug_ called me! How did she get my number?" Adrien had gone from shell-shocked to slightly frantic in approximately three-tenths of a second, and now his hands were gripping his hair and making it stand up in all directions. "Does she know who I am? She must, that's the only way she could have figured out who to call- and how did she get the home phone number? It would've made more sense to call my cell phone, since if she called during the normal part of the day Nathalie would've picked up. Both of those numbers are unlisted, though, so-"

"Didn't you promise Ladybug that you would be over by the collège in five minutes?" Plagg asked as his charge spun in slightly worrying circles in front of his desk. "Are you going to transform or not?" He yawned widely, showing off small, pointed teeth. "And her kwami probably told her. We're gods. We know everything."

That clearly wasn't the right thing to say. Adrien spun on Plagg with wide eyes. "You do? Do you know who Ladybug is? Do you know where Hawkmoth is? Do you know _who_ Hawkmoth is? We could have used that information _ages_ ago-"

"Okay, we don't know _everything_ ," Plagg corrected hastily before Adrien could get on a roll. "We know some things. I may have passed on your home number to Tikki at some point."

"Ah, so that was just you trying to take the easy way out of the question." Adrien paused, thoughtful, then pointed a finger at Plagg as his face lit up again. "So do you know Ladybug's number, then?"

"No," Plagg claimed immediately. He would _never_ get any rest if Adrien knew that Plagg knew Ladybug's cell phone number. "And if I did, I wouldn't tell you. I bet Tikki typed your number in and didn't let Ladybug get a look at it."

"But-" Adrien started, reaching for the phone again. Plagg suppressed a curse- his boy was _far_ too inquisitive, especially when it came to Ladybug. He would have to screw with the landline phone log when Adrien wasn't looking and destroy all evidence. If the phone got a teensy bit damaged in the process, so be it. It wasn't as though Mr. Agreste couldn't afford to replace it.

He'd have to do that after they came back, when Adrien was too tired to do anything but hit his pillow face-first.

"Ladybug is expecting you in two minutes," is what Plagg said instead. He feigned nonchalance, yawning as he peered up at Adrien, acting for all the world as though he wasn't concerned about Adrien finding Ladybug's number and then from that, finding out her identity. "Are you planning on letting her down?"

His words had the intended result; Adrien yelped, pulling his hand away from the phone and charging for the window. "I'm not done with my questions!" he yelled over his shoulder as he vaulted the couch. "But they can wait 'till later! Plagg, transform me!"

As he was sucked into the ring, Plagg sighed. Somehow he suspected that he would be regretting his escapade with the phone for a long, long time.


End file.
